Today is Friday, the LAST class day of JUNIOR YEAR… HOLY MOLY…
I have no idea where the time went. It’s sorta bittersweet I guess…
Well actually, I spent most of this past year in dead sleep…I’m not sure how I feel about that just yet. I noticed that on those marathon sleep sessions, I dream quite vividly and I often wake up slightly confused.
This year was probably the hardest year emotionally. I can say I spent Freshman year in utter confusion of my emotions and I spent Sophomore year in a state of numbness…From the get-go, Junior year started with a lot of emotions that i have been trying to block out since high school. I’ve also found that I have some wonderful friends and I now see how lucky I am. i am eternally grateful for all that this life has offered me and I have been truly blessed with people who have changed my life in ways they will never know. I hope that for this next year, I will be able to open up and truly be myself with the people who haven’t gotten to know that side of me that I want them to know because I not normally a quiet person who has nothing to say, that boring, plain, bland person that i have been for so long. I want people to know that there is more to me than what the see at first glance. It’s not that I truly care what people think of me, but more that I care that I don’t give anyone the chance to get to know me. I’ve let my personal problems take over but I’m going to use this summer to better myself. To be the person that I have been hiding.
I realized that I don’t want to leave this life without making a big impression on it first. I know that there is more I can do, more i can be; in order to really make a difference in the world. My secret dream: To make a difference in the world, that will significantly affect the lives of people other than myself. At 20 years old, I sure hope that in another 20/30 years I can say that I’m making that dream come true.
I feel like i have so much to say but maybe not out loud just yet…
soooo VERY VERY true
(Source: bubbledface, via bubbledface)
It has really been a long weekend…
I spent a record breaking amount of time studying for calc 3… I wonder what I was thinking when I decided to take this rocky path… 1.75 years to go…
I’ve been sleeping more this weekend than i was for the past 3 weeks…damn insomniac tendencies…
…i think it bothers me how judged I feel sometimes… but i guess I used to be a quick judger too, but in recent years i’ve seen just how different 2 sides of a story can be, its hurtful wen people dont know ur side of the story n judge u based on wat they think they know…u cant be mad at a people for not knowin…but its just lonely wen no one really knows but u… it sucks not being able to take some weights off ur shoulders…
sometimes i wish i could just tell everyone everything, itd b easier… but its complicated… its better to be where i am at than screw someone else for my benefit, even if they deserve it… the things u do for some people…
its almost time to go home… im excited but at the same time, it’ll b hard to leave once i get there… i almost prefer to go home and stay there… life is great but i often feel like im in hell… it’s amazing wat ppl r capable of and its more amazing how hard it is to look past certain aspects of life…life doesnt stop for anyone…either keep up or get lost in the mumbo jumbo…
i’ve always been an open book… if someone ever wanted to know something about me, it was never a big deal/secret… in all honesty, yeah i can be a real bitch, pain in the ass, annoyance, and immature at times…but i can also be a good listner, a good frend,… these days i feel like a book under lock and key… sad thing is, im not tryna protect myself…im letting secrets eat me alive for someone else, secrets that i would careless if other ppl knew… bcuz i am who i am and i am human, i make mistakes all the time and sometimes i make the same mistake twice, not everyone learns the first time… i embrace the mistakes i made and i accept the repercussions of my mistakes…but wat is really hard to live with is the guilt and feelings of dishonesty bcuz its such a secret… wen it comes to me, i prefer not to have deep dark secrets bcuz everything i do, i hav a reason for…if it was stupid, it is wat it is…denying that it happened is stupid… it happened and idgaf if anyone dislikes my reasons, they arent me so they couldnt possibly understand the importance in my reasons…
i’d b a horrible poker player, i leave my cards out there…people can think what they want, its up to them… but i m one to lay it all out there, hide nothing…bcuz ur true frends will accept u for the way u r….. u’d be cheating urself tryna pretend to be someone ur not , just so ppl will like u… wen the truth would b that they dont actually like u bcuz the person u pretend to be, isnt actually the person u r…
i will take a few good frends over a buncha frends who dont really know who i am anyday…. its too bad someone ppl will nevr get to see me for me… apparently there’s one card i’m cant show bcuz it would show someone elses cards too….i cant show other peoples cards if they dont want them revealed…
:( sad fckn day…
lets hope this week isnt gunna be hell like the way the past few weeks have been…
thank u tumblr for being a safe ranting place… definitely cant do this on facebook…i never thought i would get into writing like this…its nice to be able to do this…i spent 3 hrs writing on paper the other night and didnt really feel any better…
i <3 the genius who invented tumblr
